Fear of Success

Dear Eve,
I am a woman and a successful entrepreneur- up to a point. It seems like every time I reach a certain level of success, something happens to stop it in its tracks. I feel like I have a voice in my head that doubts that I can truly be successful-especially as a woman. “It” says things like, “I wonder how long until this falls through” or “I have to be as tough as a man to do this work.” Even though I don't think I am overtly interfering with my success, things usually do fall through just before reaching completion. Do you have any suggestions about what I can do to achieve a higher level of success and how I can get my thoughts to more adequately reflect my desires? Should I use affirmations?

Aloha,
There are several items to explore here: 1- your self-talk, 2- the reasons you are self-sabotaging and how to stop, 3-the usefulness of affirmations and 4- maintaining your femininity and your power at the same time.

Self-talk is the babble that goes on inside of everyone's head. Unfortunately, unless we are well trained, our self-talk is seldom nurturing and nourishing of our well-being and success. Instead it typically shows up as putdowns and self-doubt. A lot of people think they need to stop the flow of negativity that plays like a tape in their heads, but I don't think stopping the voice from expression is the key nor in most cases even possible. Instead, we need to learn to identify the “voice” and distinguish it from our intuition, learn from it and determine whether we want to honor it or not. By becoming aware of when we are “running a tape” that undermines our success, we can then make a choice-to let the tape dictate our lives, or to honor our success by replacing the voice with thoughts that are supportive of our well-being.

Becoming self-observant allows us to become aware which allows us to make choices which makes us powerful to change our circumstances. If we do not take these empowering steps, we become “victims” of our own thinking. Our thoughts actually covertly sabotage our overt efforts to be successful (or in relationship, or artistic, or healthy,…). It is helpful to understand that this self-sabotaging dialog is really trying to protect us from something, or trying to reveal to us something that we value, but we are unskilled at recognizing the message. If you ask yourself why you don't want to be successful, you will likely discover what it is that you are trying to protect by unconsciously sabotaging your success. Your answer might sound something like, “To be successful I will have to be hard and cold. If I'm wealthy, I could lose my friends and family through jealousy and because my time priorities will shift…) The theme being revealed is “I care about my relationships and my “softer side.”

By becoming aware of what you truly and deeply value you can then continue on your path toward success, but do so incorporating strategies to keep your priorities straight and to honor your relationships with friends and family in the process. Without awareness, either your fears will come true or your success will be sabotaged. Awareness will serve your goals and your relationships.

Affirmations can be useful to you as replacements for negative self-talk. Write some powerful affirmations that honor your femininity, relationships and success and repeat them when you become aware of your negative thoughts. For example, “I am powerful, wise and authentic as a woman in business. I honor my relationships with family and friends while simultaneously supporting my success. Money doesn't have the power to change my priorities; money will support my priorities.”

I encourage you also to journal about what it means to you to be feminine, and what it means to you to be successful. See if you can find the overlap and find ways to integrate the two. You may even want to create a collage of words and images that represent what it means to you to be strong, powerful, successful and a woman and use the collage as a visual affirmation of what you are creating.
I wish you the best,
With Aloha
Eve

Intellectual Foreplay Question: What are you afraid of?

Love Tip: Underneath your fears you will find what you hold dear. That is the beauty of fear. Let it teach you about what you want to protect