Is this Trust or Foolishness?

Hi Eve,
I met a man online and we’ve been together about six months, I am in my fifties, he is in his forties; we live about 15 minutes apart. His job requires that he travel a lot and I understand that. He is often gone a week or two at a time. The first two months we were together the sex was good, but now we are only having sex once every two months. Whenever he leaves town I take care of his house and his dog—who he refers to as “our daughter.” He used to come home on Friday and leave again on Saturday, now he comes home on Saturday and leaves again on Sunday.

When he is home, his cell will ring but he won’t answer it. One time he answered it and took the phone out into the garage to talk. I could hear a lady’s voice telling him that she loves him. I don't know what to do; I care about him. I told him when I met him that the only thing I don't like is cheating, drinking and lying. Now, I am starting to wonder if something is going on but he’s not telling me because he needs someone to take care his house. I need your advice, please ,,,

Aloha,
I know that you know that something isn't right here. Have you asked him what is going on? What does he say?
While it is important to have a conversation with him, it is even more important for you to listen to your intuition. My impression is that you believe he is lying and cheating, and that he is using you to take care of his house and his dog while he is away (with another woman?) It sounds like he strings you along by saying nice and encouraging things every now and then to keep you playing along. From the way it sounds, for four of six months, you have felt him pull away from you physically (and emotionally?).

Here is the challenge, as long as you know all of this and still allow it to continue, he is going to allow it to continue, too. He is in the middle of a win/win situation, while it appears you are in the middle of a lose/lose situation. YOU are the one who has to stop allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. Even if he isn’t really taking advantage of you (which you’ll only know from talking to him), you feel like he is and your needs are not being met in this relationship. You need to either talk to him about what is bothering you, or simply stop being the maid and house/pet-sitter, and see what he says and does. If that is the only reason he is keeping you around, it will become apparent quickly when you let him know that you can no longer do so.

I suggest you go find a nice soothing, quiet spot in nature and ask yourself: what do I deserve? What am I settling for? What do I know in my heart of heart's that I am pretending not to notice? What do I need to do next? I am sure that the answers will become obvious quickly and you will no longer need my advice. You will simply need to follow through on what you already know.
I wish you the best,
With aloha
Eve

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