Handling Life’s Twists and Turns

I find myself again and again feeling called upon to provide guidance in the arena of “self-strengthening.” Whether it is in private coaching or casual conversations, I keep hearing a theme in our society: a lack of belief in our own resilience to survive—the economy, a divorce, illness, death, loss, tragedy, difficulty or even simply change, good or bad.

This simply must change. We must take it upon ourselves to discover whatever it is we need to know, whatever it is we need to do, whoever it is we need to be, to see us through difficult times in a healthy, productive way.

One of the means that I have found for my own self-strengthening practice is walking the labyrinth. As a facilitator I guide people on labyrinth walks as a path of self-discovery. The process is a metaphor for taking a pilgrimage, but rather than journeying outward, the exploration is internal. A labyrinth is not a maze, instead it consists of a single path that leads to the center—the sacred destination. The same path leads you back out.

One of the ways that the labyrinth works for self-discovery is through metaphor. Whatever one experiences while walking the labyrinth is what, metaphorically, one needs to look at in his or her life.

As you walk you will encounter twenty-eight 180-degree turns, both going in and coming out. Paying special attention to how you feel as you encounter the turns can reveal a lot to you about how you deal with change. Often people share that they didn’t like the turns, that the turns emerged just as they were getting their rhythm. Or they share that the turns made them feel “off balance.” Metaphorically, this is usually true-to-life in terms of what they are going through outside of the labyrinth.

I have found that by the time most people get through twenty or thirty turns, they begin to “make friends” with the turns. They start spinning and dancing on the turns and noticing who they come face-to-face with; in other words, they start finding creative ways of managing the turns as they begin to recognize that the turns (changes) are inevitable and that the only way past them is through them. Often they even start looking forward to them. For some, the turns become the “fun part,” breaking up the monotony of walking in a single direction.

There is something to be learned from this process as it relates to our relationships and our lives. Since we know that we will inevitably encounter turns and changes in our relationships, in our spouses, and in ourselves, achieving a sense of acceptance, rather than resistance, about these changes will serve us greatly. And although we can aim to minimize some changes—by staying fit, eating healthfully, communicating honestly and regularly, and maintaining intimacy—many changes are not within our control. Thus, our ability to choose how we respond to the changes becomes imperative.

What usually causes us the most pain when we come to the 180-degree turns in relationships are (1) attachment to expectations or dreams of what we wanted, and (2) fear of the unknown and made-up stories about what is yet to come. In other words, our attachment to the past and our expectations for the future (projections both good and bad), throw us off balance in the present.

Whether you choose to discover more about the ways you encounter and deal with change by walking a labyrinth or simply by paying attention to your current behavior and patterns, I invite you to take the time to notice.

See if you can adopt an attitude of excitement over the new direction. Make it a habit to offer thanks to Spirit for everything and trust that the opportunity (for growth, for love, for strength, for forgiveness, compassion, understanding, etc.) will be revealed to you.

Change and challenge are inevitable. We need to make our trust in our ability to handle those changes and challenges equally, if not moreso, certain.

Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week: Do you welcome change or resist it?

Love Tip of the Week: The root of Emergency is Emergence. Always look for the emergent blessing in every experience, change and challenge.