Is it Jealousy or Self-Esteem?

Dear Eve,

I could really use some sound advice in a relationship issue. I wish I could explain the kind of woman I have found, and I thank God for her every single day. She is amazing. We both have a wonderful relationship with the Lord, and we treat each other with respect and have agreed that we will get married one day. I want this, and am very thankful for it! However, I have a few "jealousy" issues I need some help with.

It’s silly, really. I don’t believe she would ever cheat on me now or in marriage. That is not the issue. She is a lovely girl. I mean, REALLY beautiful, in any man's eyes. She has long, dark hair, beautiful brown eyes, a figure to die for and large breasts. I see men look at her all the time, up and down, and often stare at her chest. It bothers me so badly, to a point that it shouldn't. I have discussed this with her, because I try to be very open. Some of her shirts are kind of "tight" or when she leans over its incredibly noticable. But truthfully, they aren't THAT bad. She has trouble with fitting issues, and I feel for her. We have a few quarrels over it, nothing major. I just hate this. I know it comes with the territory, but I need to grow up I suppose.
I need some advice on how to change my outlook, and my way of thinking about this. Its crippling on the inside, and its not fair to her when it puts me in a terrible mood, which it has done quite a few times. Any advice would be.... awesome. Thank you so much in advance. I'm sure you are aware of the service you provide for people, and you will be greatly rewarded for it :-) God bless you.

Aloha,
Since you say that you trust her, the issue isn’t really trust. Since you have her (and the other guys don’t), the issue isn’t actually jealousy. The real issue here is a self-esteem issue. Notice what you think when you see people looking at her. My guess is that on some level you don’t feel deserving of such a wonderful woman and therefore are worried that someone better will take her away. When you plug into that feeling, you switch into an energy of lacking confidence and a need to control, which quite honestly is the very energy that will push your girlfriend away.

Since you clearly know what is wonderful about her, I invite you to spend some time looking at what is wonderful about you. Take an assessment of all of your good qualities, what you bring to the table and why, of all the men in the world, she has chosen you. This isn’t a means of building your ego or superficiality, but rather as a true recognition of your own worth. When you know you deserve to be with her, you will be able to rest in the presence of others who admire her. Rather than being possessive, you will be proud. This, my friend, is an inside job and a choice. Since you can’t change the way the rest of the world responds to your girlfriend, and you don’t want to change the way she looks, the only reasonable option her is to change the way you react when the situation comes up.

Recognize that your concern is based in fear. Underneath that fear, is what you love and want to protect. The problem is that when your reactions are based on your fear, you are only serving to push away the very thing you wish to protect. Instead, base your responses on honoring that which you love. Rather than being jealous, choose to be proud. Rather than criticizing your girlfriend while the rest of the world is complimenting her, choose to be her biggest fan—and your own.

Go to my blog (askeveadvice.com) and read the Five Essential Life Skills. Apply them to this situation and you will be able to turn this all around.
I wish you the best.
With aloha
Eve

Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week: What do you deserve?

Love Tip of the Week: Every moment is a new opportunity to align your thoughts, words and actions with what you are trying to create.