The Power of Self-Talk

Dear Eve,
What advice would you give if a young man sees an attractive woman and would like to get to know her better but believes the woman would not be interested in him or would not put much merit into his invitation?

Hi,
My advice is that you, respectfully, ask the woman out and see what the truth is, rather than what your imagination tells you. I say this because I have had men tell me (years later) that they liked me, but had been scared to say something to me, thinking I wouldn't like them. (While I sat around wondering why no one was asking me out, and why men didn't approach me at dances/clubs, etc.) It isn't fair to you, or the woman, to make a negative assumption about how she will respond.
Unless she has already made it VERY clear to you that she is not interested, let her know politely and respectfully that you are interested. You could simply say, "You seem like a really great person and I'd like to get to know you better..." and see what she says and does.
In reality, the worst case scenario is that she'll say no-and you are left without her in your personal life. However, you don't have her in your personal life now so, your situation would be no worse than before you asked!
Before you do though, you may want to do a few self-esteem enhancing exercises so that YOU know WHY she should want to go out with you. These exercises are not meant to develop your ego, but rather to assist you in recognizing your own good nature, your own good qualities-your true self.
1) Make a list of what you like, love admire and appreciate about yourself!
These never need to be said to anyone else, necessarily, but you will approach her more confidently if you have a strong sense of your good qualities in advance.
2) Look into a mirror, deeply into your own eyes and hold the look while you say to yourself the things from your list in exercise number 1. It is not possible for us to believe other people's compliments of us, if we have not first thought them-and said them to ourselves.
3) Become self-observant of your "self-talk." Self-talk is the babble you say to yourself inside your head. Self-talk can be positive, encouraging, supportive and constructive, or it can be negative, discouraging, and destructive-weakening us and stopping us from taking risks and showing the world our best self. As you pay attention to what you are telling yourself, begin replacing the automatic negative commentary and put downs with words that are more in alignment with your goals.
If you were going to a job interview it would be quite common for them to ask you questions about your strengths and skills and why you should be hired. If you don't know your own good qualities, you won't get the job. The same holds true in romance...if you want to get the girl, you have to "hire yourself" first!
Best of luck to you!
With aloha,
Eve

Intellectual Foreplay Question: If you said to your friends the things that you say to yourself, would you still have friends?

Love Tip: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break my heart." Words have an amazing ability to hurt or heal and the effects can last a lifetime. Be careful not to inflict wounds of the heart on others-or yourself.