I Keep Choosing the Wrong Men

Dear Eve,
The only type of man I can attract are those that are a lot older than me. They treat me great until they get what they want. After that, they are rude, sarcastic, and put me down in public. The guy I have been dating recently has no ambition, no social life, no interests and no respect for my feelings. Why can't I meet a nice guy my age, who enjoys life and likes me for who I am? Yes, I'm overweight, but I'm working on losing it. I always look for what's inside a person not just looks. My self-esteem is way low. What can I do? You're advice would really help. Thanks,
At the End of My Rope

Aloha,
It sounds like you are, understandably, frustrated. The men you have been choosing are obviously not the right one's for you, but that isn't the real problem. The key to everything that you said is, "My self-esteem is way low." This is the first place you MUST start in turning your situation around. As long as your self-esteem is low you will find men who match your low self-image and what you think you deserve. Low self-esteem attracts low self-esteem. Remember, people will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. As long as your self-esteem is low, you will continue to respond to people and situations in a way that makes you lose your self-respect.
So, what to do about it?
The first step to raising your self-esteem is to set your intention (your goal) to raise your self-esteem and then become self-observant. Pay attention not to what other people say to you, but what you say to yourself when they stop talking. What does your self-talk say? Do you constantly put yourself down? Simply become aware. Is what you are saying to yourself in alignment with your goal of enhanced self-esteem?
Secondly, when you catch yourself having self-defeating thoughts, turn those negative statements around. You choose your thoughts, so be sure to choose thoughts that are in alignment with your goal.
Be sure to also catch yourself when you do something right and give yourself credit when due. So often we beat ourselves up mentally at the end of the day for all the things we didn't get done or for that half piece of cake we ate while dieting, instead of acknowledging all the things we did get accomplished and the other half piece of cake we didn't eat! Consequently, we reinforce the "I can't do it, I'm no good" belief system, which leaves us weaker and less able to do what we set out to do.
Self-observation will allow you to catch this negative downward spiral and turn the process around by replacing or balancing your negative self-talk with positive. Often, just the simple act of becoming aware triggers a new set of behaviors.
As you identify your good qualities, you values, your strengths and talents, you will be more inclined to make choices that are healthier. Make your self-esteem a priority and your choice in men will change, as well.
Raising your self-esteem will also require that you take action-stretch your personality, take some appropriate risks, do things that are good for you and move you in the direction of your goals, even if they are scary to do. One thing is for sure, if you keep doing the exact same things, you will keep getting the exact same results. Life is too precious to waste. Actively pursue the goal of raising your self-esteem and you will definitely benefit from the results.
I wish you the best!
Much aloha
Eve

Intellectual Foreplay Question: How has your self-esteem influenced your choices?

Love Tip:
You are 100% responsible for the quality of your life-and your relationships. Take steps to align yourself with your Self-your true nature-your strong, capable, powerful self and you will create a strong, healthy and powerful life.

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