She Ruined My Finances

Dear Eve,
I'm a man whose finances were ruined by an overspending partner, whom I am now divorcing. Unfortunately this makes it impossible for me to be self-sufficient in my retirement years once they come. How do I best approach this issue with women in person and online? I seem to get a lot of rejections once my financial situation is understood.

Aloha,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. While I empathize with your total frustration over what has happened, I'm a great advocate of taking responsibility rather than assigning blame. The benefit is that by taking responsibility, you will be honoring your personal power, rather than honoring a sense of being a victim. I encourage you to consider that your finances are not ruined due to an overspending partner, but rather from your lack of attention to what was happening in your hearth and home. The pay off of accepting your responsibility for your situation will be that you will see your power for avoiding having something similar happen again. You will not need to go forth into a new relationship with fear and trust issues, as you are not a victim; you are a responsible, powerful human being.

Indeed, most women (and men) would like to have a sense of financial security and self-sufficiency in their retirement years. At the same time, there are many single, divorced and widowed women out there who are self-sufficient and what they truly and deeply desire for their retired years is a man who cherishes them, loves them and makes them laugh. One who will care for them in other ways, beyond finances. Indeed, if you can offer true love, compassion, respect and kindness, you are a definite catch-money or not.

Take a sincere inventory of what you do have to offer instead of what you don't and make that clear in your online profile/communications. Even more importantly, live up to it in person! I encourage you to move forward from a place of forgiveness of your previous spouse and a place of responsibility for your circumstances. If you do not, you are likely going to come across as bitter, angry and distrusting rather than loving, compassionate and endearing.
A man, or woman, who knows what they have to offer and makes lemonade when life offers lemons, is an attractive catch indeed!
With aloha,
Eve

Intellectual Foreplay Question: What are the most valuable lessons you've learned in life so far?

Love Tip: Catch yourself when you are assigning blame, and ask yourself, “How can I respond differently to this situation that will create a powerful result?”